he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
