I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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