laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
