Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
