haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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