yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
