I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
