I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
