got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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