even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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