he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
