Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
