if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
