you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
