I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
