I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
