So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
