no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was born a porn star she said
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
