break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
