So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
