she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
