we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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