Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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