i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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