Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
