More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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