the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
50% drunk capacity currently
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
