the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
