You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
