before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
