they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
