his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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