I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
