life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
