i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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