The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
