My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
