there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
