I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
