so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
