Porn is love you can see.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
