i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
