Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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