man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
