dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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