yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
