I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
