I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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