Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
