bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
