in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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