she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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