Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
