What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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